Things a sports commentator would never say | Mock The Week – BBC


England have won the World Cup. AUDIENCE BOOS BUZZER And that was 11.3 seconds. Sorry, Michael, you will not
be getting a second date. LAUGHTER BUZZER Ronaldo there, being booked by the
referee for taking his shirt off. He should know the rules by now. You are not allowed to take
the referee’s shirt off. LAUGHTER, BUZZER Well, in this Grand National, as they come round to the Chair
for the second time, the music stops. LAUGHTER Red Rum is eliminated. BUZZER And you join us now
for the diving. Here we go. Oh, that wasn’t very impressive.
Oh, no, sorry. Oh, no. You join us here
for the swimming. Right. LAUGHTER BUZZER Well, I think from here, he’s going
to go for the top right-hand corner. And he does! THAT is how you stick on a stamp! LAUGHTER BUZZER Judges there, all very impressed. A textbook reverse tuck. You’re watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. LAUGHTER, BUZZER Is that Maria Sharapova or Mock The Week’s Olga Koch? BUZZER Thank you for joining us. We’ve got a very exciting
afternoon of sport ahead of us. But, first, the golf. LAUGHTER BUZZER Welcome to the World’s Strongest Man
competition, where we see Dave from Sunderland
attempt to pull a bus. They really will shag just anything. LAUGHTER BUZZER And now time for the gay horses… I mean, dressage. LAUGHTER BUZZER And he has rested the ball there
perfectly on the cushion. This really is a lovely new saddle
they’ve made for Lance Armstrong. LAUGHTER, BUZZER Well, at the start of the day,
I asked if he’d got the bottle. Now he has proved he has
got the bottle. That is my bottle.
Give me my bottle! LAUGHTER BUZZER Will it be gold? Will it be silver?
Will it be bronze? Who knows what colour the Russians’
urine test will be? LAUGHTER BUZZER Oh, and here they come, running
onto the field completely naked, wearing nothing but shoes.
This is an absolute dis… Sorry? I’m being informed that
horses always look like that. This is my first time
doing The Grand National. LAUGHTER, BUZZER At the end of that round, the points
go to Olga, Hugh and Rhys.

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